The Runcible Blog

Today, my grandfather turned 74 years old. He's still going strong, amazingly. Here's to 74 more years! That picture is several years old...

What a jam-packed day I had yesterday. For starters, I went to South Station for the first time. There, I met up with Amie. Aside from her irrational fear of sidewalk-grates, she's cool. It's too bad we didn't get to hang out for very long. Next, I rushed to my darkroom class and spent a long time listening to a lecture, causing my butt to become sore. But then, we got to the fun part -- developing film. I'll be sure to scan the prints when we start printing next week. Since the class ran late and I stayed to wait for my negatives to dry, I had to take the last train out of North Station. But it was a really interesting experience. Some kid from Lowell started talking to me about Drew Bledsoe, Tom Brady, alcohol, and weed. He asked me if I smoked and was surprised that I didn't. BUT, it was his lucky day. You see, earlier, on my way to South Station, I dropped my coins on the floor before the turnstile. When I picked them up, I noticed that someone had lost a small bag of green, oregano-looking substance. Aha! Of course, I snagged it. And since I had no use for it, I (generously?) gave it to the pot-loving kid I met in North Station. Maybe it was laced with poison-- I have no idea, but at least someone will be able to enjoy it. Oh, but that's not the end of the North Station story. Another person I met there was a guitarist who plays a fretless guitar. How unusual. While we were talking, he noticed my photo stuff and asked if I had any pictures he could see. When I showed him the negatives that I had just developed, he noticed that I took a picture of a drummer named Jacob (who played in Harvard Square last week), who just so happens to live with this guitarist in Winchester! What a weird coincidence. Anyway, we exchanged phone numbers and just might jam together one of these days. Ok, every body sing with me, "It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all!........"

Continuing this week's photo assignment, I went to the Rockingham Park Mall in search of motion. I took pictures of people on the escalators, people walking, old men sitting. In this area, people are generally uncomfortable about being photographed. Bostonians are perhaps more "blind" to photographers, or maybe they're less paranoid. I took one shot pointing down the mall from upstairs with my wide angle lens. The whole time I was setting up my tripod and figuring the exposure, the ridiculous guys working at a cellular phone kiosk kept staring at me as if they'd never seen a camera before. It was almost funny. I felt like doing something to really creep them out, like mouthing, "I'm watching you." and then laughing maniacally. Or I could have pulled my hood over my eyes and pointed at them menacingly. The other day in Boston I was shooting on the T on the red line. I was pointing my camera in a direction near the window, and a guy sitting seemed to think I was pointing at him (actually, I probably was), and he looked really nervous. He was squirming in his seat the whole time I had my camera out. I can only imagine what he must've been thinking. I think people need to relax a little -- so what if I'm trying to steal your souls!

What a sad, paranoid world we live in. As I was taking a few boring pictures of Route 93 from the overpass in Methuen, a police officer pulled up beside me and said that someone called in reporting that I was on the bridge with a gun. Obviously, the cop realized that I was not a gun-toting-terrorist but merely a camera-toting-Richard Reid-look-a-like. Seriously, how could someone mistake a camera with tripod for a gun? (luckily, the cop didn't notice that my tripod converts into a bazooka which uses my telephoto lens as a targeting system and fires miniature rockets that I store in my bum.) Afterall, I was wearing a Transformers T-Shirt, and everyone knows that Robots are dangerous.

If you haven't seen George Bush make a fool of himself, do it now. If you voted for George Bush, what were you thinking?

Earlier today I was propositioned by a 37 year old guy from Methuen. He said he "likes them young". Apparently, this picture makes me look gay. Actually, this is not an isolated incident. An older man flirted with me when I was working as a cashier (at BJ's, of course). It's sad that guys hit on me more than girls do. Leave a comment regarding the gayness of the above photo.

For my current photo assignment on motion, I'm working with fans. It probably won't come out as I expect, but we shall see.

I was just walking around my neighborhood, the place I've lived for 19 years. I felt as if this place I call home was at once intimately familiar and completely foreign to me. As I stood at the corner of my street and busy Haverhill St., my surroundings seemed so alien, but at the same time I knew exactly where I was -- nothing was different. I know every crack and bump on the sidewalks near my street. My experience reminded me of the time Jehae and I went to Dorchester on a whim -- only to find one depressing street lined with taverns. But what I felt today was not sadness but pride. It's hard to be proud to live in one of the poorest (if not THE poorest) cities in Massachusetts -- a city that consistently ranks lowest in education, highest in crime in the region, highest teenage birth rates, etc. But Lawrence still has a vitality that I didn't notice during my brief trip to Dorchester. Lawrence remains an immigrant city even though most of the jobs that initially attracted immigrants are long gone. For whatever reason, immigrants come here and bring their own culture and traditions. Without them, Lawrence would be a ghost town solely populated by the poorest of the poor who can't afford to move elsewhere. Do I want to live here for much longer? Certainly not. I don't want to live in a city where most people stay inside, lock their doors, and try to avoid interacting with everybody else. Of course, I'm not helping by sitting at this blasted computer........

Phillip Greenspun thinks that MIT should be tuition free. He may be on to something.

I ran into this guy: And I just happened to have his photo in case I saw him again. He liked it and the other ones I took. It's funny how we can run into the same people over and over and never realize it. I'm usually good at remembering faces. In fact, on the T ride back to boston, I bumped into a girl that I photographed a few weeks ago. I talked to her for a bit and must've seemed scary or something. "Hey, do you remember if I took your picture a few weeks ago? I think I did!" In case you're wondering, here's the photo (it's at least 1 stop underexposed, and the scan makes it look darker...)

Well, I've moved to a new blog system. This one should be more versatile. But what a pain it was to configure everything! Now...back to more "important" stuff.

Here are some recent prints that I made: In other news, I had a very very bad nightmare.....I won't even say what it was about.

And I'm sick. The NESOP class will be really fun, no doubt. Lizzy is a cool cat who's in my class -- I slept at her apartment in Alston when I missed the last train home. If I was a drinker or a pot smoker I would've had lots of fun at the party Lizzy threw, but instead I played with a hamster, became addicted to Tetris, and amused myself by observing all the drunk/stoned people make fools of themselves. Yay!
It was tough to sleep with all the commotion. I briefly used a passed out drunk girl as a pillow -- her breathing was relaxing even if the stench was unpleasant, but then she left, and I switched to a mattress with a Winnie The Pooh blanket. Juan, another passed out drunk kid, made lots of noise in his sleep. But it was a good time except for this lousy cold I picked up. It's too bad Lizzy has a boyfriend (and he's a really nice guy too). Oh well...fish, sea, etc.

It looks like it's going to be a pleasant day today. I'll be heading off to Boston for that super-keen class which starts at 5. I don't know what I'll do before then; perhaps I'll sit outside marsh chapel and make some noise. If only I can find my drum sticks before I leave....

Another conversation about my stagnation here at home, my potential, my mistake, my value to society, etc. Yes, I do wonder about my future. It's not all fun and games for me. I'm cursed (and blessed) with severe introspection -- of course I've thought about these things. But I've yet to reach any conclusion. I wonder how many of us do reach a conclusion. I look forward to tomorrow, but after that, everything is hazy.
The haze burns off only moments before I'm forced to confront whatever monster or angel leaps into focus. I can cross my fingers and hope for an angel, or I can wipe my eyes, removing the nebulous barrier to clear understanding. Does any of this make sense?

On my way to Ritz Camera today, I noticed farmers tending a field right off of Route 28(it's a really unusual location for a farm). Well, I first saw these farmers on my ride to work one morning, and if I had my camera at the time, I definitely would've stopped to take such an interesting picture even if it meant being late for work. But of course, I don't bring my camera everywhere I go. Today I had my camera and 2 exposures left, but I didn't get the shot I wanted (I was too far away). Someday, I'll be prepared. Incidently, I used slide film, so even if I did get the perfect shot, I wouldn't be able to scan it easily. People shots interest me so much, and more and more of my photographs are candid street shots. I still have a ton to learn about street photography, but already I know that I'm getting more comfortable approaching strangers or just taking a picture without asking. People have said that taking someone's photograph is like capturing their soul. The tough part is finding a subject who has a soul to begin with. What I mean is that I'm really trying to steal someone's soul by taking their photograph, and that's hard. This portrait isn't that bad (the print is bad though, and the negative was stolen...):
But I'd love to be able to make photographs like this one:
By Steve McCurry
Someday...

full of hot air? From: Dave St.Germain
Date: Wed Sep 18, 2002 15:13:22 US/Eastern
To: csteininger
Subject: I wish my class had all these fun electives
I see your course description on the "faith and reason" class. It looks like an interesting class.
"Some people think our lives must be one or the other, all faith, or all reason. We often associate faith with religion and reason with science. This course will explore some of the consequences of this "either, or" attitude, and how faith and reason can and must go hand in hand in our lives. Living on "blind faith" is dangerous, but a life without faith is equally as dangerous."
That reminded me of something that my astronomy professor at BU said in one of his first lectures. He asked the class about the difference between one of his astronomy lectures and a sermon at a church (I think that's what he said, anyway). Of course, lots of people chimed in about how his lecture was based on fact, was scientific, etc. But his final response was that an astronomy lecture and a sermon are very much alike. Either way, the listeners (whether students or parishioners) would believe what they're told. In other words, whether scientists want to admit it or not, there is a large amount of faith involved in astronomy and physics, and really any science. And especially as we become closer and closer to understanding the origins of the universe, a lot of the "facts" are so speculative that we have to take a "leap of faith" to understand them. I spent an inordinate amount of time reading scientific books and focusing on science, and I learned about the "fuzzy" nature of understanding the most fundamental concepts of the universe. One book that I read, "The Elegant Universe", stands out in my mind. Some of the most advanced physics these days focuses on String Theory: the idea that everything in the universe is made of extremely tiny loops of "string" that vibrate in different ways. These mathematical concepts are so hard to prove (because the sizes involved are either infinitesimally small or astronomically huge) that one really has to have faith that this explanation is the only "true" one. As I read it, I definitely had the feeling that I WANT to believe that the universe is so fundamentally simple, even if it turns out that it is not simple at all. And that faith, I think, is what drives many scientists who are searching for the "theory of everything" or attempting to explain what may be impossible to understand. If you know physics, you know that there are lots of examples of incredibly elegant equations and explanations for everything. As a result, we tirelessly search for the most beautiful, elegant, simple explanation. I guess it's like a search for God, in a way.
Well, I didn't want to get carried away.
Anyway, on the opposite end of the spectrum, the other topic I learned about, Zen, proposes a simple reasoning to these complex problems. Basically, we don't know if there is a god (or life after death, etc.), and we probably will never know the real origins of the universe and other fundamental questions, so why not just live here and now and try to do the best we can to help each other?
I don't want you to think that I have the "stink of Zen" (though I'm wearing some stinky pants right now). Actually, I haven't meditated in ages and wouldn't claim to be trying my best to save the world at this time. But I believe it is true that whenever someone "steps on the bodhisattva path", he never really leaves it. It always stays with the person. I think there is something very fundamental about that observation. Good luck with the class, and I'll catch you later.

Lately I've been thinking about the past year and the things that have changed or remain the same. I was trying to remember the feelings I had attending BU versus the isolation I feel today. I don't want to believe that I'm more cynical or jaded today than I was last year, but I certainly do have a different perspective now. Whenever I see or hear high school students, especially seniors, I always notice their confidence and idealism. And lately I've been wondering if most of that blind confidence washes away as we grow older. The other day, I read a newsletter about CCHS's class of 2002 graduation. One of the students who spoke at the graduation said something to the effect, "I came to Central as a boy; now I leave as a man." I think I laughed out loud. There were also some profiles of the star students of the class of 2002, and I wondered (rather cynically) just how many of those students who wanted to be lawyers or astronauts would end up as blue collar workers.
Now, I'm not going to exaggerate and say that I'm struggling to make ends meet, but I remember that "carefree" attitude that I had at BU -- where all I had to do was go to class and do the homework (which proved to be a big obstacle). And maybe I'd go even further and say that BU probably has a higher percentage of carefree students than many other schools since most of the folks who attend are generally pretty wealthy. I noticed that many of my fellow classmates there never really thought about why they were going to school -- they just did it because it was something to do or because their parents said so. Perhaps my big problem was that I asked those questions and was frightened when I could find no answers.

There's nothing like waking up to the soothing sounds of a buzz-saw whirring away outside your window.

There's a crazy fly buzzing around my bubble.
Why won't he leave me alone?
"No, don't go mister fly!"
"I need you!"
I think I'll name him Harry.

he's gone.

Well, amazingly, I didn't do the things I intended to do today. But look on the right -- I put a new useless feature on this page. I'm thinking of another thing I might do involving making a "song of the day" available for download here, but who would bother with that? anyone?
Tomorrow, definitely, I have to be more productive. *sigh*

I don't know how long I've been sitting here trying to get this blog to work the way I want it to work, and I haven't made much progress. For now I'm going to take a break from this time wasting machine...I've got to shower before I stink up the whole house (too late?). Then maybe I'll start looking for a job. Yeah, that's the ticket....

I woke up at 7 with a sore throat. Boo! Now I've got to get in gear and find a job.
I was playing the piano next door just a minute ago. It seems like I always end up playing something sad when I sit down at the piano.

Here's something I scrawled on the back of a photo:

What a strange day Sunday was.....

geek humor. yay!

I'm really excited about the "Basic Darkroom" class I'm going to take at NESOP starting Friday. Tomorrow I have to call (or preferably show up in person) Ritz Camera for a follow-up to the silly interview I had last week. That job would be ideal since I'd be learning about something I'm interested in (color processing). Actually, I admit it -- my real reason for applying was that I want to be an obsessive stalker like Sy in One Hour Photo. Anyway, can you believe that my potential future boss has never heard of NESOP? Sounds fishy to me. Well, I won't get my hopes up for this job.....

I walked down to the park today to finish off my roll of Fuji Sensia (but I still have 1 frame left). I wandered around in the woods behind the park where I found some strange stuff the last time I was there. This time was no different...I felt like a crime scene investigator going through there. From the looks of things, some people really like to have fun in those woods. It doesn't look pretty.

"Welcome to the 21st century", I tell myself. I'm now one of the thousands of people who post their thoughts on the internet for all to see. I wonder how long I'll keep it up.