The Runcible Blog

That's the claim made by the 1987 video, "Play Piano Overnight", taught by the legendary Patty Carlson. My grandfather suggested I watch it because it taught him a thing or two. He kept bugging me to watch it until I finally did last night. Boy, was it worth the wait! Patty Carlson blows my mind with her unbridled talent! From the box:

People have been fooled by the belief that it takes years of training to play music. They have also thought that the ability to compose music is a rare gift. My method of teaching will prove to you that these beliefs are no longer true.

Oh, snap! Preach it, Patty!

I watched this video then went to sleep. When I awoke, I could instantly play wonderful 1987 vintage piano music! Jan Hammer, look out!

She starts with the basics -- "These are the white keys. Well, I like to call them 'keys'. Just ignore those black ones for now." Then she progresses to chords before unveiling her revolutionary finger technique -- "the New Age Stretch", which is just playing the 1-5-octave with the left hand. Don't ask me why it's "New Age"; I guess everything was back then. Then, an advanced lesson: "Improvisation is a term I use for 'making up music.'" She demonstrates how to do a simple bassline around the "New Age Stretch" while playing a shmaltzy melody with the right hand. "You can play any white key over this, and it'll sound ok." Wow, that's some good instruction!

The only chord progression that she seems to like is VI-IV-V-IV-I or some variation. It's a nice progression for shlocky, "New Age Stretch" kinda stuff, but what else would you possibly want to play?! That's right, nothing.

I'm a Patty Carlson convert, for sure. Check out these testimonials from the back of the box:

Patty makes the piano a toy and brings joy and enchantment to making music.

Helen Howlett -- housewife

It changed my life! Patty Carlson's method is even better than she says.

Barbi Benton -- Actress/Singer

Me play white keys real good now. Baaaaby Ruuuth!

Sloth -- character from The Goonies

I would recommend Patty's video to all my friends, if I had any! I'm too busy becoming a big fat pianist overnight!

Now I'm going to check out another great video: "Learn to Play Music With Just Two Notes!" by Philip Glass. "Hours of music in a 30 minute video."

I can't say that I remember much of Ronny Raygun (must be Alzheimer's). Lots of people hated him, and lots adored him. I can't say either way. The 80's were a wacked out time for me, mostly spent pooping in my pants, talking gibberish, and later, playing with a Michael Jackson doll...err, action figure. I was much too cool to break-dance on cardboard like my brother. Sporting a bowl haircut and too much chunk in my trunk, I think I was basically an annoying know-it-all, whiney brat back then. Not much has changed except that now I'm a skinny brat with a mohawk.

Yes, the 80's were lame. Every Hollywood movie from the period had U.S vs. Ruskie themes. The music mostly sucked. Fashions were embarrassing. Everybody was a coke head. At least, that's what I learned from video, which killed the radio star.

And through it all, there was Reagan, comforting the nation like only an ex-actor can.

Well, I realize that I have nothing to say about Reagan because I don't know anything about anything. I was thinking, however, that his body must be kind of stinky after being flown across the country for the past few days. And why would they spend so much money to cart a dead guy around? They could just parade an empty casket through D.C, and nobody would notice. At the very least, I hope he gets a discount on air fare.