The Runcible Blog

Is it weird that every time I come home, before I unlock the door, I turn the doorknob to check whether the door is already unlocked, which would mean that someone broke into my apartment and may still be inside waiting for me?  I don't think it's weird.  I figure, it's best to be prepared to face an intruder.  Am I right?

Also, sometimes when I walk down the hall in the dark, I make a sudden turn into my bedroom on the assumption that I'd catch a looming burglar off guard.  Now who has the element of surprise?  Hmm?

Maybe I've watched far too many movies where a character comes home and absentmindedly looks at the floor or the coat rack without noticing the rapist with the piano wire standing behind the door.  Not me.  No sir.  Any rapist in my house is going to have to be a little more clever to violate me.  And the piano wire trick might not work, either, because sometimes I walk around with my hands in front of me, ready to grab that piano wire before it gets to my neck!

I walk on my toes when I'm barefoot, not only because it's much quieter that way, but because it's better to have a forward-leaning stance if some common criminal happened to pop out of a closet or dive through the window.  It's bad enough having to face a surprise attack while you're naked and drowsy – why be at a worse disadvantage by standing around on the heels of your feet?  Think about it.

On second thought, I'm kind of weird.